6 things that are done by happy people.

. and which are so difficult to give to us. Why? It would seem that there are no more unsolved secrets of happiness, because psychologists constantly think over this topic. So, it is enough for us to imitate the lucky ones to become such? In theory, it is. But in practice, everything is more complicated.

Some psychologists explain how to catch happiness on their networks, others warn us that this is nothing more than a hunt for a non -existent animal. But in the ocean of publications, two stories pop up more often than others. The first is an article by two psychologists, Shigerohiro Oishi (SHIGEHIRO OISHI) and Edward Dineer, 2007. They interviewed 10 thousand people in 48 countries of the world and came to the conclusion that the list of priorities, the desire to happiness, is far ahead of the search for the meaning of life, the desire to get rich or go into paradise.

The second through motive for talking about happiness – “Things that happy people do differently” and “Things that happy people do not do”. These popular texts are a folk version of positive psychology. We have chosen six common statements of positive psychology and discussed them with two psychoanalysts.

1. They surround themselves happy people

What the research says. Joy is contagious. Those who are surrounded by happy people have more chances in turn to become happy and stay happy.

Comment by Jean-Michel Hirta: “This observation is a statement of the obvious. It’s like saying that our mood is better on a sunny day and in a good company. But is there a pleasant sensation for happiness enough? No. On the other hand, it is sometimes good for us next to those who are not very happy. Or when we ourselves found ourselves in a difficult situation, but it gives us pleasure because it involves the mind and mobilizes our resources. “Bring your head” is an activity that may like. And happiness in the relationship is not in complete calm, lack of tension and conflicts. And some even find satisfaction, surrounding themselves as unhappy or immersed in problems, as they feel awkward when communicating with the so -called happy people ”.

Comment by Tatyana Tikhonova: “It is especially important to“ become infected with joy ”for the baby. After all, his “I” develops through identification with those who care about him, primarily with his mother. If she enjoys communicating with the child and father of the child, then the son or daughter will feel valuable, desired and loved. If the mother is experiencing, for example, postpartum depression, then she is “dead” mentally and is not able to invest in a child. In adulthood, it will be difficult for him to rejoice, and perhaps he will envy the ability of other people to enjoy “.

What can be done? Carefully listen to what we feel when communicating with others. Body signals tell us how certain relations affect us. We must reckon with the ambivalence of emotions, ours and another person, with the circumstances that color the relationship. It is useful to wonder why we are pleased with the society of people who are always doing badly, and what part of our own history we are again playing with them. If we are unable to share the joy of life with others and want to learn this, you can seek help from a psychologist.

2. They know how to recover

What the research says. Happy people know how to recover faster than others after a difficult test and do not allow themselves to be depressed.

AND.-M. X.: “The ability to restore remains a mysterious phenomenon. It comes from primary resources that the adult has managed to save from childhood. We are driven not only by impulses of life, but also by the impulses of death;the ability to recover is between these two desires. Who will predict what their duel will be and how it will end?”

T. T.: “If in early childhood we gained a positive experience of interacting with our parents, then we are likely to form a healthy self -esteem that helps to quickly recover after life troubles. But if there is no such positive experience, we will not be able to only work out our deep injuries through conscious efforts ”.

What can be done? First of all, to realize that there are forces in us who pull us down, and others that rise up to air and light. Encouraging these second forces, caring for them, we may be able to recover easier after the test. It would be a mistake to try to rise very quickly without thinking about why we fell. Today we know that depression is also a period of mental perestroika, internal search, and that this time will give us the opportunity to continue our way differently. And this is also a chance to become happier.

3. They act to become happier

What the research says. Happy people are not waiting for their happiness. They are actively looking and trying everything that can strengthen their feeling of well -being.

AND.-M. X.: “In this formulation, we see the winning volitional beginning of American culture. It all depends on what is meant by the words “to be active” in the search: apply bestseller recipes about happiness or ask questions about ourselves and understand what our sense of well -being can strengthen?”

T. T.: “Yes, theoretically happy people are not afraid to search and try, they do not feel fear of new and unknown. In any case, pathological fear, which can be expressed in excessive shyness, expectation of rejection and rejection, phobias “.

What can be done? Think about how we can feel happier. Recognize their fears, understand their sources and causes, identify the points of internal resistance and external obstacles, and then listen to how our desire is expressed. In any case, trying to be happy means to develop a certain form of attention and tenderness for yourself, which will then spread to other people.

4. They prefer to give, not take

What the research says. Happy people spend part of the time on charity, on listening to others, to help those people from their encirclement, who need it.

AND.-M https://xayohgroup.com/sur-quoi-se-fonde-la-peur-du-sexe/. X.: “Giving, we rejoice in ourselves, and this narcissistic satisfaction cannot be denied. When we feel good, it strengthens our self -esteem and supports the desire for the ideal. To give disinterestedly, and not use another person to make up for the lack of your own narcissism, you need to be able to love yourself, and this is not possible for everyone. This is the restrictions on the call “do good deeds to be happy”. Altruism is not opposite to healthy egoism, it is selfishness that allows you to take into account itself when communicating with others. “.

T. T.: “As a rule, those who understand themselves are well aware of, realize their desires, were able to realize and satisfy their needs. But one who feels a lack of resources, emotional or social can hardly share with others. “.

What can be done? Take care of ourselves, notice what we are missing and what we expect, and consciously satisfy our needs for communication with others – this gives the opportunity to be an altruist with respect to another and for the benefit for himself. It is difficult to respect the “giving birth”, who experiences Frustration or does not think about himself, it is difficult to respect the otherness of the one to whom he gives, and find joy in the deed of gift: for this he first needs to open himself to himself. Each of us can make our choice: envy others and indignant from helplessness or change ourselves.

5. They see good things in everything

What the research says. Optimism is an indispensable condition for happiness. Unlike pessimists, optimists believe that there is always white behind a black stripe. And they rely on themselves to turn the situation in their favor.

T. T.: “It is good when the image of the future is connected for us with the fulfillment of the cherished desires, the fulfillment of plans, and we ourselves are firmly convinced that any obstacles are overcome. But sometimes optimism is not quite healthy. In this case, such a psychological mechanism acts as denial: optimism becomes a way to ignore real problems in order to (primitively) to protect us from depression ”.

AND.-M. X.: “It would be absurd to deny the advantages of optimism. But this state of mind significantly depends on the personal history and experience of each. Difficult events in early childhood, an alarming, insufficiently loving or too silent family do not have optimism, although they do not say to pessimism. It all depends on how we live with our history and our beliefs. In this area, the will does not play any role, so the call to see in everything the good remains in vain “.

What can be done. To look with hope to the future, you cannot ignore problems in the present. It is necessary to admit them, to learn how to see in yourself what to see and feel is not very pleasant what we are used to closing our eyes, to find events and images that provoke pessimism and anxiety. Only work on oneself will allow you to change the internal state and stop being a prisoner of a negative view of yourself, others and life. It is also useful to recall what trials we overcome and what successes we have achieved so as not to feel unarmed in the face of difficulties.

6. They know how to turn off

What the research says. Happy people know how to make a break in order not to succumb to stress or protect their personal space.

T. T.: “After intensive communication or difficult work, it is necessary to pause in order to be alone with you. However, some cannot afford to relax, living in the conditions of “tyranny of obligation”. If we always feel that we owe someone, we believe that we do not have the right to personal needs, this will prevent us from disconnecting “.