This is often more difficult than with adults. It is not easy to choose the right words, not break into a scream and not exert psychological pressure. Psychologist Laura Markham talks about how to argue, and about those cases when it is necessary to strictly say “no”.
Sometimes it’s easier to prohibit. Allowing children to express an opinion or insist on their own, we worry that we question parental authority and the child will cease to obey. In fact, every family should have strict prohibitions. We are not discussing them:
“There is a rule: you feed a dog, and then you go to dinner”.
“We will not go anywhere until everything is fastened with belts.”.
But in some matters you need to give the child the right to choose. It is unpleasant for any person when they constantly put pressure on him and forced to do something:
“You will first wear a jacket or shoes?”
“You want me to help you wash, or you wash yourself?”
But what if you have established strict restrictions, and the child tries to dispute them? If we are talking about something that you do not intend to change and discuss, do not discuss. But do not scold the child for trying to argue. In such situations, it is important not to lose a sense of humor: “You say, you will never go to sleep? OK. Come here, never sleeping boy. I am a wizard who makes sure that the children go to bed on time, and I always achieve their own “.
Sometimes it is necessary to firmly say “no” and not discuss. Even if the child reacts to the ban on screams and tears. But do not show excessive rigidity. You can show sympathy for a crying child, but at the same time the ban itself will remain unchanged.
“I understand you. It is not easy to stop playing and starting to prepare for sleep, especially when your brother goes to bed later. When you will be eight, you can also go to bed a little later. In the meantime, let’s gather toys “.
However, in some cases, you can give in to the child, if you and it will become easier for him. In such a situation, it is better to offer everything to discuss and develop a joint decision that will satisfy both sides.
“You want to take a walk in the park longer. And I need to go home and cook dinner. What do we do? If we take a walk for another 20 minutes, I will not have time to cook food to return the pope. And you will help clean the potatoes? Amazing. Such a decision will arrange us both. Let’s take a walk for another 15 minutes “.
This approach teaches children to look for solutions from which everyone won. And this is a very important communicative skill. The most difficult thing in the dispute is to understand and take into account each other’s needs. It is not easy to negotiate if you are crushed on you. Therefore, try to remain calm in the hottest and most unpleasant dispute.
“Yes, I understand that
you need to wash your head, which you for some reason smeared with peanut oil. But this can be done in the kitchen sink, and not in the shower. “.
By adolescence, children learn to foresee our objections and plan their lives, taking them into account
Endless disputes drive you crazy? I must say that you will not discuss this or that issue. You have the right to do so. Isn’t it easier not to argue with children at all? Easier. But then they will not learn the skill of negotiations, without which it is difficult in life.
My daughter was 14 when she said: “Mom, I know that you will ask me now how I will do my homework if I spend all Saturday with friends in the entertainment park. But I have already done everything in advance, except for the abstract on history. I’ll just get up early on Sunday and write this essay “.
It was just a miracle! By adolescence, children learn to foresee our objections and plan their lives, taking them into account, and are ready to answer all questions even before we open our companies. In such a situation there are no losers.